I knew this adventure would be a roller coaster, what I didn't know was how much it would effect me when I was at the bottom of it. I knew there would be lows, but yesterday I hit a horrible low. This weekend was super tough. My mind was running with everything imaginable going through it.... like how am I going to loose this weight in 10 weeks, can I loose this weight, is this goal realistic, are we going to move? If so when and where too? Need to find a pre-school for Jax, where do I even start looking. Oh it's time to eat my chicken AGAIN. UGH!! Did you drink your water? Did you take your scheduled supplement? And on, and on , and on.... I should have told it to SHUT UP like most times I do. Well with all of this nonsense going I on I did not eat 100% which was my choice 100%!! Am I happy with the results? NO. not at all! But I did it, I put the food in my mouth, I did not do my cardio like I was instructed. I take full resposibility for my actions, of course I am not that thrilled about it.
So what am I going to do? Today is a new day, I know I can do this. September is a bit unrealistic for me at this point. Does this mean I have given up? No, it means that I will not be competitive enough and not at my best. Which when I do this I want to look amazing, and I want to give the rest of the competitors a run for their money.
How does this make me feel? Not happy... but again, I am responsible for my actions. I have something deep down inside of me that keeps creeping up and creating road blocks for me. This is very frustrating and very scary to me to even think that I have something {GASP} emotionally wrong with me... I am not even sure I want to deal with it right now. Or really know where to start.
Today I plan on getting through my day, following my meal plan, drinking all my water, taking all my supplements, and doing my cardio which is done already. One day at a time, enjoying the journey, learning more everyday what God knows I can do, with his strength.
So if you are wondering where I am at since my last measurement 3 weeks ago. I have lost 5 lbs, maybe 1% body fat and just a few inches. Yes this is amazing. I was hoping for a bit more loss in body fat but hey... I am proud of what I have accomplished thus far, I feel great, looking great, and I am at my lowest weight since getting married 10 years ago (almost). Plus I am sure I am much healthier too.
I thank God daily for his strength, my health, and my well being. Through Him all thing are possible.
Hope you all have a wonderful day! Thanks for the continued support from all of you.
Jess - although I know how much you want to do the competition - remember that your ultimate goal should be to eat healthy, get more fit and overall feel great! If it takes you longer to get there, just remember that you are moving in the right direction. I have not cheated on my plan at all and I am STILL behind where I had hoped to be (don't we all wish we had it yesterday?). It is all good! We are both moving forward and we will triumph! Anything worth working for takes time and when you look back at where you started you should be super proud of how far you have come! One day at a time and for heaven's sake, get up whenever you fall down! Love ya! Hope you have a great rest of the week!
ReplyDeleteWe all self-sabotage from time to time, and yes, it comes from a deep emotional place. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with you though. What would be wrong, is if you WEREN'T pushing yourself enough to "find" these things inside you. The fact that you're encountering them means you are improving. You're becoming the best Jessica possible. That takes strength and COURAGE, more than most people even dare to dip their toe in... and you are cannon-balling! You're amazing :)
ReplyDeleteJess - You know how much I admire you. You are so strong and so courageous. I recently did a small study on comfort, and this verse is so cool and I wanted to share it with you. Even when you stumble, God's hand is on you, and He knows your heart's desires. Just keep your head up and let God do the rest.
ReplyDeleteMatthew 6:25-27 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
-Rye